Rahul baba's speech attempt

Sonia Gandhi wanted to know how everybody 'really' felt about her sons own hand written speech but she knew they would'nt tell her the truth so she got a mind reader chip that told her the 'real thoughts about everyone.

"Rahul spoke well, didnt he? I mean it was a moving speech"

"Waah wahh!" "What a unusual, truthful, heartfelt, beautiful, wonderful, exciting, moving..aaa ……..aaa” Pranab mukherjee was talking, but since he ran out of adjectives he looked toward jyotiraditya Scindia, sachin pilot and whispered to them “You both have studied lot…so add some more words, big nice words to please madam!”

The two baba log chirped like a thesaurus whatever they had learned in their Harvard, Stanford, Wharton universities

“Magnificent, breathtaking, superb, astonishing, spectacular, stunning, brilliant, luminous, radiant, dazzling, sparkling, gleaming, shining, bright, astounding speech…..blah blah”

“Madam it was a totally Roshagulla (Rasgula) speech” he smiled. There that should satisfy her.

Sonia had a slight frown and Rahul was stamping his feet; This was ass licking, he wanted a critical appraisal, he had told them so many times, but they only continued to lick his ass.

So Sonia then used her mind reader chip and heres what it told her about what they all really thought about rahul baba’s speech :

Manmohan Singh: “The boy meant well.”

The wily Kapil Sibil and Abhishek manu Singhvi were thinking : Why didn’t he tell us to write his speech. We would have written him a better speech even if we had been dead drunk, and the boy spent five focused hours on writing this crap about Kalavati and vaishali and whatever! Yikes!

Jyotiraditya Scindia : They didn’t let me speak as I would have shone over rahul baba. Remember my maiden speech and this is his third speech attempt in parliament and what a waste! Actually on second thoughts I had better not give better speeches, let me get hold of some kalavati’s and jayawati’s and their sob stories that will impress him and his momma more!

Sachin Pilot “Wish my momma’s name was Sonia. That alone would have helped, whats the point of my hard hard work and all my intelligence. Anyways I must brush up my act and get some sob rural women stories of my own otherwise this wily scindia will get ahead.”

Omar Abdullah : “He said he was making the speech as an Indian. But I said I was an Indian and a Muslim!!!! I think my words carried more weight.”

Lalu prasad yadav: “Kya Khaak speech diya! Isko speech bolte hain kya? Hamera speech dekha kya, Pura parliament aur pura India hamere ko hi dekhta tha. Aap ka beta jyada bola hota toh hum ko toh neend aa jaati. Woh cancer wala sharad pawar toh so gaya tha!”

“Kya kalavati aur jayavati ke peeche pade hain rahul baba, hamere bihar main toh bahut widhva hain, bahut aurate bhookhi hain, bimaar hain… toh kaunsi badi baat hain? Humko toh ek hi ‘vati’ ka dar hain…Mayavati!”

Sharad Pawar “ What was he trying to do? give us a conscience at this old age? How can he succeed in reforming us when even my cancer of the mouth has not succeeded? After all I have “one” daughter to think of. Who will provide for her? That’s why I have to do all this BCCI, IPl and Lavasa ghotala!

She is not simple like this simpleton Rahul Gandhi, she needs much more than all the thousands of crores I have collected. Farmers live and farmers die, why get so agitated? Hmmph Rahul should have been a social worker!”

Sonia had actually liked rahuls speech , but that’s maternal instinct, she felt sad as she read the thoughts of her party members and decided not to tell rahul the truth he so keenly looked forward to hearing. I mean he had finally got confidence after so many years and this would spoil it. Sonia decided the ass licking and buttering up only was better so she threw away the mind reader machine and called forth more members to appraise his speech.

Renuka Chowdhry came along boisterous and vehement as ever. (I have always seen the woman fighting, like always, I really pity her husband)

“Rahulji spoke like a true man. He spoke about the misery of the poor. And not only poor but poor women. That is what I liked the most……blah blah”

Rahul got up, upset. “I want some criticism. Please feel free to tell me my faults”

They all looked dumbly at each other. None was brave enough to venture any kind of criticism. Finally one of them turned on the tv, it was showing mayawati “Congress ka Yuvraj kitna bakwas karta hain, usko school teacher banana chahiye….”